A lot of people ask "How did you realize you were bi?" Usually, I respond with some scientific response about how sexuality is made up of multiple spectrums, that everyone falls on these different spectrums at different points and that as we grow we even shift on these spectrums; sometimes moving away from things we used to like.
I realize this conversation (lecture) is well-rehearsed and does not answer the question of 'How'. After being asked like 10 times this week, I actually sat down and deconstructed all the Bi-moments that lead up to now.
I want to blame it on my best friend for being my first kiss when we were thirteen. Slightest peck during truth or dare, which had zero sexual intention; only the thrill of being something we were not supposed to do. Back then I had no concept of my sexuality. I had barely learned what a blow job was and quite frankly I had no interest in ever giving one (a perfect example of how our sexuality changes as we grow).
There were several years between my first kiss with a girl and my second. The boys I kissed between were not much to brag about but we were dumb inexperienced kids (Let's hope they got better). As I grew in myself awareness, I was overly aware of my need for skinship (This is not sex but physical intimacies like kisses on the cheek/hands, hugs, hand-holding, hand on the knee or arm around the shoulders). Aware of the way my skin pricks and my lips tingle when I need physical affection. Verbal validation had never been my thing, not that it wasn't good enough but it did not satisfy me the way hugs did; the way kisses did.
I was dating a guy that was so competitive. He thought he was so cool for being good at the games he played. When we'd go to parties he rarely left the table of whatever drinking games were being played. His initial lack of attention did not phase me (Those of you who know me know that I rock up to house parties and immediately become friends with everyone). It was when my skin would be alight with the buzz of alcohol and lips would be tingling so much all I could think of was how to alleviate these sensations. The sensations did not hurt but became so intense that they were uncomfortable. When I would go to him at the table he hardly noticed I was there; eyes too fixated on the ball or cup, mouth too busy trash talking. By the time we would make it home he was so intoxicated, his affection was sloppy, uncomfortable, undesirable.
One day the great debate of cheating got brought up. He was steadfast in his belief that if I was making out with a girl it wasn't cheating because I'm not a lesbian (but also that he needed to be allowed to watch). Little did he realize what he would awaken in me. At every party after, I found myself satisfying the tingle in my lips and the static in my skin. I kissed a girl. I liked it. He would complain that he didn't get to watch. I would remind him that it's his fault that he couldn't leave the table for 5 minutes to watch.
This behavior was the start but it is now something completely new. Since this relationship, I have had many not so nice experience with men. Women are safe. When my skin and lips start to tingle, I know I can find a Woman to satisfy this basic need. She will be respectful, consenting and won't push me to go farther than I am comfortable. I have rarely met men who can kiss without getting so turned on they "NEED" to have sex. Rarely, have I met men who treat me right and have the patience to grow into a relationship and earn sex. Being Bi has become more of a protective mechanism to not get sexually assaulted again.
I have never met a girl that has been mutually interested in dating me, nor have I had sex with a girl. This does not make me any less Bi than someone who has dated and/or had sex with both. I find girls to be the more superior kissers and will probably support this even if I get married to a man and never kiss a girl again.
So I guess this it. The 'How' I became or realized I was Bi. I think it is important for everyone to experiment with both to really know what you prefer and sometimes you just know.