We started at an ancient movie theater that still played film reels and wreaked of fake butter and sticky soda soaked carpet. We started with "do we give Def discounts?" and calling out sick for fresh powder and adventure. So much so, that my dad knew her as my 'Snowboarding friend' (Even though she let me snowboard wrong for years!) Trips with her are always the best because we sing so loud and out of key and basically have all the same favorite songs. With her car karaoke is a spiritual healing experience. It is all the emo songs we grew up on, the hardcore that made us know we were not alone in our anger, and of course Disney because we never really grew up.
When the music stops she fills the silences. She is music and laughter and mosh pits. When I am with her, my heart is full, not just with love but all things that make me want to live; Laughter, Music, Poems, Adventure, Happiness, Awe.
I like her because she is smart and independent. She puts me in my place when I do not know where I stand. She is gorgeous and charismatic. I believe she is unstoppable even though the world is constantly putting her down. While she always gets back (I would never let her stay down), I do not think she can see herself the way I do. I have seen her overcome things that I personally do not think I could. Even from the long distance, I can see the way she overcomes, finding opportunity, putting hope out into the universe. I hope one day it finally comes back to her. She is not a quitter and would never let me be. I am so lucky to have her in my life.
On our worst days, we curl into each other; two puzzle pieces meant to be together. We have seen each other cry our hardest and held each other's pain. Most importantly we make each other laugh through our pain. Our smiles are always genuine, even with all the tears in our eyes. There is no amount of pain that steal the light from us. When I am with her, I burn brighter.
She has a shitty job and works late hours but has never missed a birthday. She always arrives before midnight with cake; candles and lighter ready for me to make a wish. This is how I know she loves me. She always shows up. Always. The airport, the party, the movie night, the day I wanted end. She was there. Ever since that shitty part time job at the movie theater, I find Jenny in my most important memories. I can see her so vividly, her smile, her laugh, the way she serenades me. Just the thought of her makes me smile and laugh out loud at the wrong times.
That is why I keep living. Because I am loved. Because I love you too much to let you live a life without me.