"Headed, I fear, toward a most useless of place, the waiting place. For people just waiting. [...] Everyone is just waiting. No! That's not for you! Somehow You'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where boom bands are playing." - Dr. Seuss, 'Oh! The Places You Will Go'.
This is by far one the realist children's books ever written. He touches on all of the ups and downs of life. The Waiting Place is such a crucial part of this book. I never took it seriously when I was younger. To me, it was just a place you were in for a few minutes before catching your plane or getting to the front of the line.
Lately, I looked back on all the waiting I had done. All the things I had missed because I was waiting for someone else to want to join, rather than just going by myself. I waited around for other people's approval or permission to do things that had the potential to make me happy because, in the long run, their approval was more important than a moment of happiness. I can't say I regret any of these moments of waiting or missing out on potential happiness.
I used to struggle to leave the house without a purpose (seeing friends or work). Grocery shopping had to be done when my mom was free to take me. I would wait at home until someone had confirmed they arrived at the location of our gathering to avoid being in public alone. I spent so much time laying on my living room floor, bathing in the sunlight streaming through my windows, just waiting. Waiting for a phone call, an invite, a visitor.
I don't quite remember when or where I stopped waiting. It was a slow progression. Starting with moving away from all my comforts. So far away my parents could not coddle or enable me (I legit moved to Australia and then to New Zealand. About as far as you can get from California). Not everyone can make leaps like this. For some, the leap is walking out the front door and maybe next week it is making it to the sidewalk and by the end of the month, you've made down the street. The most important thing is making the choice to stop waiting for others or for the right moment. Once you've made that choice act on it.
I used to never be in public alone. Now I take myself on dates to new places. I sit at cute cafes alone to read somewhere outside of my room. I show up first to events to see if it's worth being at or if we should meet somewhere else. I get to be the steering wheel.
This did not happen overnight or over a month. It has taken years for me to get here. To feel safe in my body, to feel safe putting this body in public places. I have had to constantly remind myself that just because bad things have happened, it does not mean they will happen again. The idea of traveling solo still scares the crap out of me. Let's see how long it takes me to achieve this goal.
What goals can you set for yourself? What boundaries or limitations has your anxiety or depression or PTSD placed on you? How can you challenge those boundaries? What thoughts or cognitive distortions are preventing you from being the happiest possible you? How can you challenge and change your thinking?
Currently, I am waiting for someone to take a chance on me and offer me a job so that I can apply for my visa extension. However, I am not letting this waiting prevent me from enjoying my time here or allow it to make me feel less worthy. It possible to be waiting for things that are out of your control and still take control and enjoy the now. It is a mixture of patience and perseverance. This is a balance I had to learn over time. The old me would be so strung out over trying to find a job that I would not be able to enjoy the now. I would not be making time for friends or for myself (yoga, writing, reading, sleeping).
So in the instance when you find you do have to wait; have a glass of whiskey, read a book, learn to crochet or play the trumpet. Dr. Seuss in all his wisdom forgot that growth can happen in the waiting place. It is where we learn to be patient, considerate, persevere and in the face of rejection, we learn to be resilient. "No! That's not for you!" He is right that it is not a long term place for anyone but it is also a place we can not avoid. How can you turn your waiting into growth? How can you leave the waiting place a better person than when you arrived?
Just in case you haven't read the book:
https://youtu.be/2kTI3RzMDJQ