The Kiwi Room was a cacophony of crashing blocks, bell-like laughter, squeaky wheels, and children's' imaginations; conflicting with the gloomy downpour cascading outside the Kiwi Room walls. This conflict was how I found him; felt him. His energy was not like the rest. He stood still with back to me, off center but deep in all the chaos. His shoulders heaving signaling he was the source of pain. My heart ached; needing to comfort him. Several brisk strides was all it took to clear the space between us. My body instinctively collapsing to its' knees needing to be his equal, rather than a towering adult.
"Sweetie," pausing long enough for him to turn and face me, "What's wrong? " The tidal wave of tears he had been fighting gave way, crashing against his eyelids, flooding his cheeks. He became a weeping statue, immobile and mute.
"It's okay to cry. You can tell me when you are ready." A few seconds (to him it may have seemed like ages) past, the flow of tears ebbed.
"I-I-I'm just feeling a bit shy today." His response was weak, exhausted from battling his shyness and barely audible over the cacophony that is a rainy day in Kiwi Room.
"Because of picture day?" His response an eager nod, " Do you need some cuddles?" He collapsed in my lap.
"It's okay to be shy sometimes," I continued, " Do you remember what shyness is a form of?" Still slightly sobbing, he thought about it the same way he thinks about everything; deeply.
"Fear?" He questioned, unsure of the correctness of this answer.
"That right. A type of fear. Now we can sit here with your shyness for a bit so that we can remember what it feels like the next time we feel it. But in a little bit, I am going to take your shyness and put it in my pocket and hold on to it while you take your photos. That way you can make beautiful photos for mum and dad. You like making art for them right?" He nodded eagerly in my lap.
"Think of this like making art for them. They will love these pictures!" Again he nodded eagerly.
"When you're ready, we'll get up and I'll put your shyness in my pocket.
I asked him several times throughout the day if he wanted his shyness back. Every time the answer was a vigorous shake of his head and a confident stride away from me. I took each one as a 'thanks but no thanks'. To this day if you asked him where his shyness is, he'd tell you Ms. Nikkii has it. I am 1000% happy with holding his shyness for the rest of my life.
I believe an important part we all play in this world is to be the people we needed most when we were kids. The fact that we needed that person and maybe did not have that person means that we need more of that type of person in the world.
I keep living because I know on my best days someone needs me to be there, to hold something for them, to hug them, to love them. I survive my worst days because there are so many people who are there to love me. Keeping living for the people you have not met yet, who need you. Keep living because the world needs more kindness, more hugs, more compassion.