I've been listing to several friends talk about the same incident; each experienced it so differently. The common thread is that all of them feel like the bad person in this incident. They all feel bad for having an opinion, for having boundaries or feelings or feeling that they should have had more control over the situation.
The reality, at least from an outside observer is that no one involved is bad. They are neither good. They just are.
It made me think of how I had been made to feel about myself from a supervisor, that I am bad and that I do not know what I am doing, that I caused harm in some way (but she didn't have an example).
It took a while and some self-love come to terms with the idea that is her opinion of me and I know I am not responsible for her narrative of me; only what I believe of myself (I believe that I am Enough).
Somewhere in our culture, the idea of good and bad have been impressed so deeply on us that when face with the slightest disagreement one party involved must be bad (wrong). The reality is some things just are.
Fifty people could experience the event and will have fifty different perceptions of the same event. All perceptions are valid, even those who experience the event negatively are valid and not bad.
The world has become so divisive we can not have conversations or express ourselves without offending someone, so we avoid meaningful conversations to keep the peace. Oftentimes, we have experiences and can not express ourselves because we worry it will hurt someone else without know if they would actually be hurt. We then label ourselves as bad over a hurt we potentially could have caused.
We are allowed to have feelings and be hurt but we can not call those people taking care of themselves or doing what is best for them, bad. Sometimes people are just on a different path that leads away from us.
We become afraid of the slightest difference in opinion as if the slight difference makes them completely incongruent with us. However, with the right amount of communication and openness to differences, we can be ourselves and walk alongside those with variations. With openness, we can accept those who can not walk alongside us and see them as they just are without either person being good or bad.
Being open to other people does not mean we lose ourselves or take on everything we hear, it is just a form of acceptance that helps us move more easily through this complex life.
What was the last deep and meaningful conversation you had? Who was it with? Did you agree on every aspect or were there variations in your views?
Is there a conversation you have been avoiding?
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