I have noticed that companies (at least within the mental health field) often ask "What is your lived experience?"
This question always feels like a trap; a spring load gun that will fire if you open the door too far. They want to have lived experience but not too much. There is a certain size box they have in mind. It's okay if you tried weed as a teen, hated school, wagged a bit but the truth is no one wants to hire a rape survivor.
That's too big of a mess for the box they have in mind.
So when I have to answer this question, I have to separate from myself. I can talk about how I supported my friend in overcoming her assault. I have to give the mess to someone else and show how neatly I can pack someone else's big mess into their tiny box.
The funny thing is, I have never met an AOD counsellor that was not into trying hard drugs or a psychologist without some sort of trauma. We just aren't allowed to talk about it. Not with our colleagues or our peers. Even in the lower entry-level roles, we are expected to present tidy and without the mess.
I love to meet people and ask about their mess, to unpack or sort through it and then repack it with them. This is what makes me a good worker. I understand my mess, I've packed, unpacked and repacked it so many times that when I work with my clients they have a professional mess organizer. My clients will never know about my mess but they with get someone to sit with them and listen to them examine the pieces and help them tidy up.
No matter how nicely you have the mess packed up it will always be a mess to others. The mess presents like a Rorschach inkblot test; where you have lived growth and butterflies, others will only see mud and risk. So you can't be honest with the inkblot mess you have. You have to have to submit a less abstract work that is not about you but what you have seen.
The truth is that everyone has something; bad habits, unhealthy relationships, trauma. This life is so messy and uncertain it is impossible to make it through unscathed. Some people will pretend they have never been hurt but everyone has a mess that they carry around with them.
We should not have to leave out our mess to be considered a professional. We should be able to discuss our mess openly with colleges and peers who are interested without being labelled a risk to the clients who know nothing about our mess.
Life is chaos and mess. We can't leave out the messy bits or we leave parts of ourselves that facilitated growth.
Have you been leaving out parts of yourself to fit in? What parts of your mess can you be more honest with?
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