The universe has its' way of bringing people together. Its' method are infinite. Our possibilities limitless.
When I reached out via Facebook event page to find another solo person to attend a Neck Deep concert with I got a lot of weird responses. Mostly creepy breaded men coming a long-distance and wanting me to join them in their hotels for some reefers and 40s. My expectations were low when I arrived at the venue. Maybe she was just using me to get through the night and I would never see her again (this is far too common).
I was in for one hell of a wild ride. Not only did she push with me to the pit and encourage my desire to crowd surf, she cheered the loudest to see the "Old Nikkii", the fearless Nikkii, who would hand her number out to (*dumb ass*) boys on napkins. Somehow Cece had wrangled up a random crew of near strangers and pumped us all up, to the point that we were not leaving that night until I had napkin tricked someone. After a successful hand off, we all stumble down the streets, talking about our favorite Emo music and feeling absolutely alive.
The universe seemed fickle as it divided us with visas, time zones and tragedies. An attempt at meeting in France was thwarted by dumb ass boys and lack of funds. Just when I thought I would start to hear less of her, she came falling back into Auckland like an Asteroid (Yes an Asteroid. Not some sissy ass meteor that just burnt up in the atmosphere or a meteorite that left a tiny dent. A god damn Asteroid.)
She has been my life raft buddy; not the life raft. Some days I row, some days she rows, other days we row together and sometimes we sit and chill with the current. Our struggles are uniquely our own and yet we grieve and fight together as if they are the same. On my worse nights, she is this perceptive human reminder to 'go to my mat' and 'try to just be' because I am always trying to find the answers and fix everything right away. In the few months that we have spent together, she has learned all my negative self-talk and shuts it down before it can even the slightest of me. She is my endless source of hugs and sugar and light. Together our spontaneity makes me feel infinite, and good and loveable.
I don't know what I did to deserve someone so pure and insightful in my life. Before Cece, I believed suffering is something we did on our own. That others could comfort us but never really be there with us, experiencing it with us. She has shown me that suffering is part of life but it doesn't have to be lonely and that it is temporary. It may not feel like it in the moment but this moment is almost over so we just have to make the best of it.
That is why I keep living. Because I am loved. Because I love her too much to let her live a life without me.