Too Loud. Too Quiet. Too Blunt. Too Passive. Too Emotional. Too Numb. Too Optimistic. Too Negative.
I talk too much. I feel too much. I am too much.
My whole life I have been made to feel like I am too much of everything. The good thing is too much is always more than enough. It is good enough until it is overwhelming and burns you up. It is good enough until you've lost the patience and the interest to deal with too much.
At the end of it it all I end up with me, myself, and I. Trying my hardest to find the center of the spectrum. I work on my mindfulness and track my thoughts to make sure I am not giving into the darkness of my PTSD but also not being so overly hopeful that I set myself up for a big let down. I've been at rock bottom enough times that some days I just chill there, accepting that I earned this.
I've often heard from people that it is weird that someone "so happy can be so dark at the time". I wonder if it is even possible to have a center when holding such complete opposites. I can't experience both at the same time, so I will always be on one end or the other of the spectrum.
I love too much. I give too much of myself to others. I am too much.
Too Reckless. Too Cautious. Too Carefree. Too Loving. Too Angry. Too Harsh. Too Nice.
I will always be too much. Until hopefully one day I won't be.