I don't even know where to start with this one. I've had many great Professors who have supported me but only one Tutor (this is a different type of teaching position in Australia) that has seen the spark in me and turned it into a wildfire.
Amanda Clacy this one is for you.
Even though I didn't get the scholarship, Amanda and Professor Sharman made sure I had a position on her research team. I learned I loved collecting infield data but hated the monotony of data input. I learned how to push through and crunch all those numbers in a timely fashion and leave in the office. Those data points did not need to come home with me. She made sure I walked away with more than just a shiny piece of paper, stating I'd done my time in undergrad. I had hands-on experience collecting and crunching data and questioning my life goals. I remember the "grrr" that would come right before she started formulating alternative options when obstacle would get in the way of her initial plans. Frustration was part of the game. Learn to tolerate it and move on.
I remember when I told her on the way to the rugby field that I felt lonely because I wasn't into partying all the time at Varsity (our student accommodation). I was yearning for another adventure. Amanda's Genius idea was that we should hike Mt. Beerwah (yes, for all you non-Australians, that is a real mountain in the Glasshouse mountains). So one afternoon, after the Melbourne Cup we made our way to the base. Let me tell you, the initial ascent is the hardest part. I can still hear Amanda telling me "Just trust your footing." "Your fingers will hold you." and "I swear we're almost there" (even though we totally weren't).
We didn't make it to the summit that day. The sun started to set and we didn't have headlamps. All I remember about the way down was sliding on our asses, ripped leggings and Amanda debating, "Be careful! I can't send you home to your parents broken! But if I break you can I keep you?".
Round two was my third to last day in Australia. The whole hike Amanda questioned, "how can anyone be depressed with all this nature?" To her, this was the real deal of anti-depressants. We made it to the top in no time. Amanda has this thing about doing yoga poses at the summits (and state borders), as well as taking the occasional topless photo from behind in really cool places. On this day after two years of living in another country and surviving things I would never talk about in detail here, I wanted to make my statement; to tell the world 'Fuck you', to tell men that they will never take my body from me again, to set an example of self-love. I pretended it would just be a topless photo like hers and as she counted down, I dropped trow and threw my hands in the air, welcoming the world to look but not to touch.
A little over a year later, she was stateside and we were in a car once again on an adventure to the Grand Canyon and Zion. We managed to hike to Skeleton point in 1 hour and 45 min, after being warned by a chubby ranger that it was too late in the day to start the hike. We went a bit off trail to find a quiet place for lunch and then she joined me in the ranks of naked hiker. I was dying the whole way up. My lungs were burning, my body ached and definitely did not get enough sleep the night before.
"Just think about all the parts of you that are working. That your feet keep taking steps, that your blood is still oxygenated and circulating to all your muscles." It took us way longer to get back up but we ran into a ranger who told us we were part of the one percent that comes hike, not just stand at its rim. He took a photo of us proudly holding up one finger, to represent that 1%. But really we were the .01% that came to get natural. This trip was a lesson in winging-it, to relinquish the control I felt I needed in everyday life and just nature take its course, even if that meant being rerouted due to a flash flood.
Amanda taught so many life lessons in such short condensed periods. She is the word "price" in my tattoo because she taught me that everything with value, you have to work for. There is no satisfaction if you're not actively working for it. Struggle is good because it builds you up better. Most importantly, nurture my passion because following it is the best way to maintain happiness but remember that happiness like everything is temporary.
I can't wait to see Amanda again and see what lessons are in store. That is why I keep living. Because I am loved. Because I love her too much to let her live a life without me.
(For those of you who don't know I have a tattoo on my right rib that is written in 25 different handwritings and reads: "Home will never be complete again because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for loving people in more than one place. " )