Reason 9

So this reason is long overdue. I meant to quietly publish this while he was on his way to Florida to start the next chapter of his life. As previously mentioned, I had stopped writing out of fear that this would be misconstrued.

Nicholas Fucking Hopkins, this one is for you.

From day one of me moving to Denver, you were the foundation of my life there. I can look back and know that if it were not for you, I probably would have packed up and gone home after first or second quarter. That wasn't an option with you around. You knew my Daddy didn't raise a quitter and as one of my best friends, you weren't going to let me let myself down.

Our first big adventure was based on me telling you to pick me up at 7 am because I needed to get the fuck out Denver. If we went west, we'd get too close to home and maybe I wouldn't have come back then. You had just recently driven south, so we needed to something new. East... there was just Kansas. No one cares about Kansas. So we drove north and hit Cheyenne, Wyoming in record time. The problem is Wyoming is kinda like Kansas. A whole lot of nuthin. There were two signs, 8 hours west to Yellowstone (which I was dying to see) and 6 hours Northeast to Mt Rushmore (which I kind of wanted to see). Realistically, with time constraints we picked Mt Rushmore. On the way, we found some gems. Pringle, South Dakota with its bicycle graveyard and Crazy horse monument.

Pretty sure we basically got away with murder at Mt Rushmore. Those national park rangers, couldn't keep up with us. Somehow we found the perfect spot and the right time to snap the cleverest of all my naked hiker pics. In that moment all the wounds from the girls in my class calling me a freak and making me feel like I was worthless, had healed. In that moment I loved myself so much, all the bad things I had started to believe about me became exactly what they were; just other people's words.

Nick was there for me when I had a migraine all day and almost missed one of my most important interviews for field placement. Missing this interview was not an option; either I went to the ER with him or in an ambulance. Either way, I was going to receive the drugs I need to make my head stop hurting and make my interview the next morning.

All the nights that Judith Fox made me believe that I was worthless and a shit therapist, he was there question all the things she had said. Nick challenged all her negative opinions of me and encouraged me to seek help from the resources at my university. Also, he ensured that I ate deep fried comfort foods to make my stomach stop hurting from all the anxiety (pretty sure my GP would argue this food category). We went on hikes to counter all the cholesterol and late night drives to make sure I would sleep instead of drive myself crazy ruminating on the things I had been told by Judith Fox.

Somehow Nick was able to handle the craziness that was Caitlin and I. He always showed up with his A game and went along with all our stupid plans. For all the days I did my best to not be impulsive, Nick was there to convince me it was okay to be impulsive in some moments.

Me: "Newfound Glory is playing three days in a row but it's $130 for two tickets." Nick: "Buy them."

Me: "Come over. Bring your onsie." Nick "Okay."

Cait: "It's derby day next weekend. Wear a suit." Nick: "Any chance you have a bow tie?"

Me: "Kings are playing." Nick: "Already bought tickets."

Let's not forget the time I was singing a little too loud with way too much conviction and almost ran something over. I made home safe but the next morning when I went to leave for field placement my front tire was flat. Nick, Cait and Ben were the most epic tag team of them all. I had 6 nails in my front tire and 1 in the rear. They changed my super flat tire and carefully drove my car to Costco to get my new tires put on. Legitimately, the coolest people I have ever lived with.

Some days I don't believe I deserve to be loved so unconditionally. Every day, Nick proves those thoughts are wrong. That is why I keep living. Because I am loved. Because I love him too much to let him live a life without me.

#love #BestFriends #Keepliving #Life