Our friendship spawned somewhere between Costa Mesa and Palm Springs. Maybe it happened in the Super Mega Target that was it's own city or when we got lost in some random mobile home park. Where ever it happened, isn't the point though.
Since that adventure, our friendship has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. This one is for my favorite Mermaid.
Even when we were far apart, Cait was my balance. Reserved. Rationale. The nights when all the bullshit at Uni felt like too much. Cait was there to pull it apart and remove all the overwhelming feelings. She doesn't usually try to give advice. Mostly, she lets me vomit out all the things I'm feeling and then tells me why those feelings are dumb.
Most days she's right. I have always felt too much. Always. It sucks. Having a logical friend like Cait has been the balance to all the feelings. When anxiety flings me far into the future, she is the anchor to right now. What can I realistically accomplish right now? Sometimes the answer is not much (I hate that answer).
When I'm home, I can count on her for a long walk on the boardwalk or a trip to see the waves crash at the wedge. She is my number one pick for Baseball games because she knows everything about baseball. That's where all her passion is; sports. That's my favorite Caitlin. The passionate, cheering (sometimes swearing), excited, and emotional Caitlin. Don't mess with Cait's teams.
Even more so is the way Cait knows me. In the short time, we have been friends she has done so much for me without me even asking. Before I moved, she gave me this blue basket full of all the things I would need to start my life in Denver. It was one of the most thoughtful birthday presents I had ever received. Probably the most crucial item was a monthly/weekly day planner. Let me tell you, that thing saved my life and kept my shit together the whole way through Uni. I have everyday recorded and all my assignment due dates. It was the reason I was able to submit my assignments weeks early (which was probably the reason some of my classmates hated me). Oh, there was this blue water bottle that always reminded me to drink water because I literally would have died in Denver if I was any worse at remembering to stay hydrated. One time I was flying home and I lost it in the airport. You bet your ass I searched the entirety of DIA to find my water bottle. I still have it.
She knows me. She logically knows what I need to keep it together. Like hugs. If there is anything that I appreciate more than her passionate sport-loving self, it's the fact that she hugs me. Even though she hates being touched.
If you are lucky enough to find someone who is willing to set a piece of them aside to love you, hold onto them. Never expect a person to put themselves aside. It is the ones who make the choice on their own who truly love you in a healthy way.
Cait still tells me "No" and holds me accountable for my bullshit. That's how I know it's a healthy friendship. We have boundaries.
Cait is my daily reminder that living is the only rational answer. That is why I keep living. Because I am loved. Because I love her too much to let her live a life without me.