spon·ta·ne·i·ty
spän(t)əˈnēədē,
noun
The condition of being spontaneous; spontaneous behavior or action.
"She occasionally tore up her usual schedule in favor of spontaneity"
For those of you who know me, you how true this is as I firmly believe that ritual is lethal. While this is about my love of spontaneity it would make more sense to start with the adjective:
spon·ta·ne·ous
spänˈtānēəs
adjective
performed or occurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse or inclination and without premeditation or external stimulus.
This is me in a singular word. I live for the unplanned drives and walks at random hours of the evening. I hate early mornings but the quickest way to get me up is to tell me that we are going on an adventure. The days I remember most are the ones where we got on a roof and shouted "Fuck the world", ran through Uni pretending to be on an expedition in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, had random pool parties and went on long drives to nowhere. I could tell you stories for days, which is how I got the title of Cali's storytelling champion (only in Reece's head).
The past few weeks I have been letting my "professional life" spill over into me and create walls of inhibition built from the anxiety of what others might do to me. "This is not Nicole. The things that happen in this building are not Nicole, they are your job and your job stays here. I've seen Nicole outside of here at the Art Museum. She loves Art and was there with a boy having the best time." -- The advice from Professor Hyde that broke these walls. Today was the best because we planned nothing but the dress code and let me tell you it was everything in my heart needed to heal.
I should have known this from quarter 1 when I wanted more than anything to leave because I was the black sheep of my cohort and felt like I had no friends here in Denver. I remedied these feelings by telling Nick to pick me up at 7 am. We had no plan and just drove north. It was barely 9 am when we hit Cheyenne, Wyoming. We had all day ahead of us. Mt Rushmore is by far one of the best and most challenging Naked hiker photos I have taken to this day. The thrill of dodging the National Park Rangers was revitalizing and something about that day gave me the strength to stay in Denver and persevere with my courses.
Today, was much simpler. Getting dressed up for me (well mostly Cait), making tiny bets with the limited funds we have, Thanksgiving style lunch at Cheesecake Factory, sun tanning and playing ball in the yard. Probably pizza in the near future of publishing this post, we haven't decided yet. The important thing is that my heart is full, even though this morning I woke up feeling unlovable because one person did not want to be my friend. I guess he was right though, I do have 'plenty' of friends. Three close friends who are consistently willing to set aside the time to just exist in the moment is all I need.
This, my readers is why I keep living, for all the spontaneity that is in my future. For all the perfect days that will occur without any planning. Because I am loved and there are so many people I have yet to meet and love.
<3 Always,
Nik Nak